I Miss It
Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing. - Harper Lee
I'm in college. I'm majoring in secondary English education. I have to read books for class all the time.
In the last six months, I have finished exactly three non-required books.
Do you ever have those moments when you're suddenly aware of everything? Like the air you're breathing, the sound of train horns in the distance, the feel of the ground beneath your feet, the brightness of the sun, the hum of the air conditioner?
I have those moments fairly often. And there, in those still moments when the world seems to slow down around me, I remember reading. I remember begging my mom to go to the library twice a week, because I had devoured my checked-out books already. I remember asking my teachers to go to the school library nearly every day, and them sighing, letting me scamper down the hall to the room full of books I had already read. I remember going into Barnes and Noble with my eyes the size of saucers, drinking in the sight of a thousand books that I had yet to open.
Now, my books sit on my shelf and gather dust.
I sit on my couch and stare at my phone, wondering why my mind spins over and over and can't sit still, flitting from one thing to the next.
I've lost the ability to read. To read properly, anyway. I once read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in less than two days. Now, I can't focus on a book for more than a chapter at a time.
I miss it. I miss curling up in my big red chair in the living room, sticking my nose in a book, and not coming up for air until my mom yelled at me (twice) to set the table for dinner. I miss checking out a dozen books from the library and finishing every single one before they were due. I miss carrying around my book wherever I went, just in case I might have a spare second to read a page or two (or four). I miss knowing that books would always be there for me.
Nowadays, I still say that I'm a reader. I'm going to be an English teacher, for goodness' sake. I'm in a literature class and just went on a literary study tour. But everything is different now. Instead of going to a book when I finish my homework, I turn on YouTube or Netflix. I go to meetings or to Chick-fil-A with my friends. I'm not saying these are bad things. They all make me happy too.
But in those quiet moments, when my heartbeat thuds a little louder in my ears and the air in my lungs is cold and I am so overcome with the feeling of being alive- I miss reading.
I'm in college. I'm majoring in secondary English education. I have to read books for class all the time.
In the last six months, I have finished exactly three non-required books.
Do you ever have those moments when you're suddenly aware of everything? Like the air you're breathing, the sound of train horns in the distance, the feel of the ground beneath your feet, the brightness of the sun, the hum of the air conditioner?
I have those moments fairly often. And there, in those still moments when the world seems to slow down around me, I remember reading. I remember begging my mom to go to the library twice a week, because I had devoured my checked-out books already. I remember asking my teachers to go to the school library nearly every day, and them sighing, letting me scamper down the hall to the room full of books I had already read. I remember going into Barnes and Noble with my eyes the size of saucers, drinking in the sight of a thousand books that I had yet to open.
Now, my books sit on my shelf and gather dust.
I sit on my couch and stare at my phone, wondering why my mind spins over and over and can't sit still, flitting from one thing to the next.
I've lost the ability to read. To read properly, anyway. I once read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in less than two days. Now, I can't focus on a book for more than a chapter at a time.
I miss it. I miss curling up in my big red chair in the living room, sticking my nose in a book, and not coming up for air until my mom yelled at me (twice) to set the table for dinner. I miss checking out a dozen books from the library and finishing every single one before they were due. I miss carrying around my book wherever I went, just in case I might have a spare second to read a page or two (or four). I miss knowing that books would always be there for me.
Nowadays, I still say that I'm a reader. I'm going to be an English teacher, for goodness' sake. I'm in a literature class and just went on a literary study tour. But everything is different now. Instead of going to a book when I finish my homework, I turn on YouTube or Netflix. I go to meetings or to Chick-fil-A with my friends. I'm not saying these are bad things. They all make me happy too.
But in those quiet moments, when my heartbeat thuds a little louder in my ears and the air in my lungs is cold and I am so overcome with the feeling of being alive- I miss reading.
Comments
Post a Comment